Entries
Tuesday, October 17, 2006: Disillusioned.
EYEs 2006 HATE.
Studying didn't really get me anywhere because I was too stressed up during the actual exams themselves.
EYE grades:
English - A1. (duh...)
Higher Chinese - B4, an improvement over last year's C6 that landed me a bout of copying to do.
History - C5. I studied. The omission of my causal was bad enough, and I had to get ten more marks deducted for inadequate support. *groans*
Geography - B3. Another mark and I could've hit A2, but I'm happy. Especially with question 11.
Math - B4. It'll pull me down.
Science - B3. It didn't move a bit.
Literature in English - Borderline-pass C6. What can I say? I wasn't strong in it from the start.
I don't know what the overalls will be like. I'm hoping for the best.
The "best", being that... But all who've read my last few posts will know what I really hope for.
If I don't get it... Tirer sur moi, laisser-moi mourir. (Shoutout: Denyse! This is the worse form of the "tirer sur moi" phrase... message me for the meaning of the whole phrase if you want it OK?)
4B wasn't exactly my most fervent hope. But it would've helped me to spear all my career choices at once. That's right, people, I have my eyes set on a few directions. Three main ones to be exact. They're where my flame of love burns strong.
I think I might want to take a chance and go for a 5-option. If not, then it'll be the one with Pure Geography and the other SS/Humanity that'll help me with one career choice (CC1) of mine. The 5-options will shut the door on that particular career choice, but will prepare me better for two others (CC2 & 4), unless SS/(Humanity that'll aid me on my road to CC1) is available as part of a 5-option. One of the Geography teachers declared that impossible in the Multi-Purpose Hall. I don't care, I'm going to hope for it anyway.
But if I don't get the "best" that I'm hoping for, then CC3 is as good as dead.
I want to keep CC3 alive.
CC3 is my most fervent hope.
Please... please... please... Give me that reassurance and you will see a change in me.
It's not reassurance that I'm a good person; Mrs Han gave me that today. My heart... So it isn't cold at all, but I've been getting chill winds all the time, but there is an exception, and that's when I'm with the CC3-ers.
Please reassure me that I will be able to be with them, one more year, please.
O salutaris hostia... You did save me from my palpitations then, so please... Spare me this fate, or I Thee pray my soul to take. If I am not put back with them next year, please call it time's-up for me, because that's when my spirit will die.
And I shall then be just mechanically doing things, just like a zombie.
Take me away from them without taking my soul away is the worst possible thing that can happen to me, because it won't ensure that my grades won't slip any further. Retention won't work either.
At that point, I shall have died already, and that's why.
~Seraphine Chorister~ sang in The Butterfly Garden
[7:55 PM]
