Pardon me if you feel confused while reading this post... which, incidentally, is what the title is supposed to reflect - confusion!
I don't think I'm in.
But that doesn't matter.
I'm happy anyway...
I'm serious.
Goodness me, Denyse looked real weary yesterday... But no matter whether physically or emotionally(?!?!?), I hope she's feeling better now... Oh, and I managed (in a way) to keep my promise - I didn't talk as much as I usually do. Quoth one of the SLs: "the discipline here is so bad!" Oh wait, this really is an issue where the leaders are concerned. Yes, it's true. But talking (even if when the leaders are) helps to get info across. I bet that what we really don't need or want is talk about unrelated matters.
Again, sectional practice!! But this time, it was for 夜来香 (literally: fragrance of the night? Anyway, it refers to a certain type of night-blooming flower that's yellow-green in colour and apparently smells very sweet [because the lyrics say so]). Because this song was taught before the reshuffle last year (thanks to the T.A.C.KY-X quintet [and I'm glad I'm not following the T.A.X. trio]), you now have a mix of people from different sections doing sectionals in the classroom block (the Music Studio was being used by... I'd hazard a guess at the Sec 4 O-Level Music candidates).
But why this mix worthy of a potpourri? Some were from different sections. These can be further divided into two categories: Second Sopranos (Soprano 2s sounds weird doesn't it?) who were placed into other sections after the reshuffle (myself among them), and a certain number of First Altos and people of other sections from the pre-reshuffle times (the three SLs [Elizabeth + Yun Min + Denyse] included - all were First Altos at first, and now only Denyse is one).
Originally they had planned for us to sing three by three after running through the song, but there was no time, so they set to work on the five Sec 1s and trained them up. And according to one of the Sec 1s whom I asked, her teacher had done a good job. I feel the same way too, just looking and listening to them. I don't think I heard anyone talking when the Sec 1s' training was taking place though.
My brother is getting on my nerves, and that's that. If I harp on it, I'll go crazy.
I have so much in me... but how shall it be tapped? And do I have the time? I don't know... I just don't.
Crazy post, isn't it? Told you so!
Update at 3pm: The COPE elderly were so nice! Today we taught them to use e-mail. One of my groupmates fed back to me that I wasn't that good a teacher. I agree with my charge - they should have a demo first, followed by patch-ups by helpers (and for your info, I was a helper).
I think I'm getting another bout of pharyngitis. (The teacher said not to write in colloquial language, but it's easier to say that you've got a sore throat instead of saying that you've got pharyngitis. They mean the same thing anyway.) But my love for singing has never died because of stupid pharyngitis. C'est mon amor de chanter... et c'est très fort. (That's my love for singing... and it's very strong.)
Love for singing... makes me live to sing... and want to sing to live.
And if I can give no more, of my song I shall give
It's a gift in the highest, ever so pure and true
Meant to brighten spirits sad, dyed darkest, darkest blue...
Updates at 6.30pm: It's official... I DO NOT have the chance to follow the T.A.X. trio.
It was kind of psychic really. I was putting on my 'NJC IP Selection' ensemble - a deep blue one consisting of a collared top and jeans - when Ophanimon (cryptic code used) came upstairs with the mail, among it the rejection letter. I knew it was coming - it had to.
I turned in an unsatisfactory single-sheeter at writing class. I was seriously suffering from a lack of inspiration.
But, when I was walking home...
我看到落叶如穿上绿衣裳的小仙子在空中翩翩起舞。她们仿佛在告诉我，生活还是美好的，不会因为这次失败而变得不好过。(I saw falling leaves dancing in the wind like little green-clad fairies. They seemed to say to me that life is still good and that this failure would not plunge it drastically into the negative end.)
The little fairies of yellow and green
Saw that I was blind and let me see.
My mind's clear of it all and now is free;
Now there's all but one path ahead of me.
How shall I mould it, and what'll the end be?
If it is to be...
*inhaling deeply*
...it is up to me.
And I... am not alone.
I... am not sad.
I... am happy.
Car je suis encore Cédarienne... et j'en suis fière. (Because I'm still a Cedarian... and I'm proud of it.)
IP... I was just firing blind darts. I fired way out for the VJC target, but missed the NJC bullseye by far less.
And I'm glad I don't have to face the dilemma. I'm glad I was saved from it, spared the decision.
The discussion with Liz was premature, and it only served to add stress.
I have strayed. And I am back.
And I am ready... to face the call of Destiny.
